Memories with My Daughter, Episode 2

Many years ago, following a lengthy custody dispute, I found myself as my daughters (then 4 years old) primary care provider. Her mother had moved to Colorado and wanted to take her with her, but the courts sided with me. I was so relieved and excited. It was just the two of us. We shared a two bedroom apartment near downtown San Diego, near Balboa Park, Old Town, and the zoo.

We had an amazing summer. Our location was awesome. We would spend weekends at the beach and everyday after school we would walk across the street to Balboa Park and play on the swings and jungle gyms. Every night she would take a shower and sit on the couch in her towel while I made dinner. It was never the best meal, but certainly not the worst. After dinner, she would sit in front of me as I combed her hair out and put it in a ponytail. We spent morning, noon, and night together. We were a team. Wherever I went, she went.

Near the end of that first summer together, I'm not gonna lie, I was exhausted. She was never a difficult child. In fact, she was my best friend and I enjoyed every minute I had with her, but at the same time, I was kinda looking forward to her returning to school. She needed time with kids her age and I needed time with friends my age. Im not ashamed of that. Ask any single parent and they will tell you that sometimes you need to have grown up time.

Memories With My Daughter, Episode 1

Dealing with 7 year olds is tough. Yeah, theyre still children. Adorable little cherubs that have a heart of gold and truly mean no harm. Their innocence still intact, uncorrupted by the shit-show of a world we live in. They bounce and frolic through life seeing the good in people and believing only the greatest things are possible. Heartache is a surprise and confusing to them.

At the same time, they can be little imps that do stupid stuff whereby their curiosity gets the best of them and they, ultimately, learn a hard lesson. Yeah, theyve seen us light candles and stared for hours at that little flame in utter amazement. I imagine its like watching a teeny tiny fireworks show. They are mesmerized. Or maybe they saw a dude jump over 20 cars on his motorbike, so surely they can jump over their Barbie car on their bike with training wheels. A skinned knee, some hurt pride, and a broken Barbie car soon follows.

Unless they do something overtly bad, its hard to get too upset with them. Sure its frustrating, but what can you do?

What happens when they hover somewhere between adorably pure and curiously frustrating? Yeah, I was at a loss too.

How I Accidentally Became a Drug Dealer

Let me tell you about how I accidentally became a drug dealer?

So, many years ago, I was living in San Diego. Had a nice place about two blocks from the beach. It was an older white stucco beach house, complete with a large deck in front that held two couches. Not uncommon was waking up and finding random revelers passed out on our couches. No worries. We would put a fresh beer on the table in front of them, along with a joint. We understood they must gotten as far as they could before finding our pad and calling it a night. Other days we would sit on the deck and watch all the women do the walk of shame and congratulate them on their victory. They were never nearly amused as we were. Other than that, our days were spent surfing, skating, getting in fights, drinking, and whatever drugs we could get our hands on.

Our group consisted of about 12 people, guys and girls alike. We had an attorney, a skateboard company owner, an architect and an engineer. We also had a server, a customer service rep, an ice cream vender, and a phone mechanic. We ranged in ages from 22 - 39. We were tight. We did everything together. We had a meeting spot at the beach. If you had nothing going on, just go to the spot and wait. In due time, a friend would show up and off you went, to the bars, clubs, house party, beach party, wherever. It was probably the best time of my life, but I cant be sure. (If only someone would tell you this was the best time of your life, right?)

Along the way, we all became big fans of ecstasy. I mean, we were popping pills all weekend long. Our typical cycle consisted of ecstasy, home for a valium, wake up, smoke weed, followed by cocaine, then back to the beach for drinking, then more ecstasy, and so on. In fact, at one point a friend asked, "Are you guys aware your entire life is dependent on narcotics." We laughed. Nothing changed.

Letter to the Sexes: First up, MEN!

I'm a goddamned Warrior!!!

Dear Men!

Notice I used an exclamation point? It's because we are MEN!!! We pee standing up, we're killers and fighters; we fart, burp, and laugh with aggression! We are strong-like-bull, we fix shit with our tools, and we drink beer and liquor while smoking a cigar! Fuck yeah! We're goddamned warriors!


Well, at least thats what all these new-fangled "Mens Groups" will try to tell you, and they're not wrong. Its true, centuries have passed and the one constant has been that men are aggressive, violent, protectors, providers, and, yes, warriors. Thing is, unlike in centuries past, woman have become quite the warriors, as well.

Letter to My Daughter

Dear BG,

I heard Nana found you on Instagram. I heard you got upset with her for contacting you. So much so that you questioned her and blocked her. Nana told me you were upset about something she said a couple years ago. I'm sorry that you are upset with her for mentioning me, but understand, she was only trying to cheer you up. If you recall, you were telling her how upset you were about your birthday party, or better put, the lack of the birthday party you wanted. You see, nobody is allowed to so much as mention my name without fear of recrimination in the form of not being allowed to talk to you ever again, so Nana had no idea how you felt about me. She knows how I feel about you and thought you might be consoled by knowing that I love you. In other words, she was only trying to help. Had she known that by telling you that I loved you would result in never being able to talk to you again, you have to believe she never would have said a word.

I ask that you please forgive her for her single act of betrayal, for her single statement, and recognize that she loves you so much. You may not want anything to do with me, and I have to accept that, but please don't shut her out. She loves you so much and wants to see how your life is progressing. She has called numerous times and left your mom numerous messages, to no avail. You'd think that she would give up trying to contact you, but she perseveres, hoping that one day you two can talk. Again, she was only trying to help. Trust that she now knows the rules and will never mention my name again.

With love,
Daddy