Letter to My Daughter

Dear BG,

I heard Nana found you on Instagram. I heard you got upset with her for contacting you. So much so that you questioned her and blocked her. Nana told me you were upset about something she said a couple years ago. I'm sorry that you are upset with her for mentioning me, but understand, she was only trying to cheer you up. If you recall, you were telling her how upset you were about your birthday party, or better put, the lack of the birthday party you wanted. You see, nobody is allowed to so much as mention my name without fear of recrimination in the form of not being allowed to talk to you ever again, so Nana had no idea how you felt about me. She knows how I feel about you and thought you might be consoled by knowing that I love you. In other words, she was only trying to help. Had she known that by telling you that I loved you would result in never being able to talk to you again, you have to believe she never would have said a word.

I ask that you please forgive her for her single act of betrayal, for her single statement, and recognize that she loves you so much. You may not want anything to do with me, and I have to accept that, but please don't shut her out. She loves you so much and wants to see how your life is progressing. She has called numerous times and left your mom numerous messages, to no avail. You'd think that she would give up trying to contact you, but she perseveres, hoping that one day you two can talk. Again, she was only trying to help. Trust that she now knows the rules and will never mention my name again.

With love,
Daddy

My Anjelah Johnson Moment

If you haven't seen it yet, Anjelah Johnson, a stand-up comic, has a bit about her experiences in getting a manicure. Please watch before continuing on.

As you can see, she's absolutely hilarious in describing how she simply went in for a basic manicure; however, the manicurist, who is clearly Asian, keeps talking her into more services. The manicurists delivery is so nonchalant and convincing that Anjelah simply has to agree and her bill continues to go up.

I tell you this because, as a man, I couldn't relate. I had one manicure in my life but, as a man, polish and extensions were clearly not an option so the manicurist didn't even present any options. My only experience was a simple in-and-out process. No big deal and no upselling. That is, until today...

No, I didn't get a manicure; but rather, I went in to get my beard trimmed for an upcoming job interview. In all previous beard trims, I simply told the barber what I wanted, he/she complied, I gave them money, they thanked me, and I left. However, today was a little different.

Me: "Yes, I'd like a trim and if you could shape it that would be great."

Her (asian): "Trim and shave, no problem."

Me: "No, trim and shaPe!"

Her: "Yeah yeah, trim and shape, das what I say."

(after)

Her: "You neck is hairy, I shave? It look very clean."

Me: "Yes, that would be great, thank you."

(after)

Her: "I do eye brows? You look good, get job."

Me: "Uh, yeah, sounds good."

(after)

Her: "I use beard oil? It make it shiny. You look handsome!"

Me: "Yeah, sure."

(after)

Her: "I shave ears. Looks funny."

Me: "I don't want to look funny."

Her: "Yeah yeah, I fix."

(after)

Her: "I use hot towel, open pores, good for skin."

Me: "okay."

(after)

Her: "I rub your shoulders?"

Me: "I'm good, thanks,"

Her: "No, I rub shoulders, you relax, do good in interview."

Me: "No, really, I'm fine."

Her: "No, I do it, you get job, you thank me."

Me: "Thank you."

Her: "No, you thank me later, after you get job."

(after)

Her: "Okay, you done!"

Me: "Great! What do I owe you?"

Her: "$25.00"

Me: "I thought it was $10.00."

Her: "You get deluxe package. Neck shave, hot towel, oil, ......"

Me: "I GET IT!"

$30.00 later, I walked out, laughing as I realized I just had my very own Anjelah Johnson moment.

Ladies, now I get it! I feel your pain! The funny part is, I'll go back to her in two weeks and go through it all over again.  

My Apology to Everyone

Dear Followers, Facebook Friends, Friends, Family, and anyone who has happened upon my blog!

I voted today. After months of getting angry, railing, bitching, and moaning, I completed my ballot! I selected my choice for President, voted for/against some of the propositions, ignored the one's I knew nothing about, sealed the envelope and placed it in the mailbox. I am done!

After my selections were made, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. I made my decision and, with that, everything I saw on Facebook and mainstream media no longer seemed to matter. My head was clear and my thoughts were succinct. Colors seemed brighter and food tasted better. I heard the sounds of nature that I tuned out for the past few months and life seemed better. All was fine until I reflected on my actions over the course of this years election and realized...I've been an asshole.

Dear Arrogant College Student!

If you really want a true representation of the people that make up our society, skip Facebook and become an Über driver. Whereas Your Facebook feed is largely comprised of your "friends" that commonly share your political and societal leanings, and the ability to block those that have opposing viewpoints, Über has no filters. You genuinely have ZERO idea of what you are getting yourself into, and once there, you're stuck!The worst? Being stuck with a college student.

The Most Sexist Song Ever

 

I just heard the most incredibly sexist song on the radio today. No, it wasn't by Chris Brown or Robin Thicke. It wasn't a hip-hop song or a pop melody, nor was it rap or heavy metal, which you would normally associate with sexist songs. No, in this case it was a country song. 

Fuck Your Freedom

My fellow Americans,

We have reached a point in our society where action needs to be taken. We can no longer stand pat and accept the status quo, as the status quo will lead us into rebellion. Rebellion with each other, with our government, with the world. We cannot allow this to happen as we will lose our way of life, our lives, and our future.

Everybody sucks!

Dear Libtards and Rednecks, you all suck!

Once a year, Denver hosts an event called Taste of Colorado, whereby hundreds of vendors convene on downtown Denver offering food and various other crap you'll often find at fairs. One of the vendors, NikkiJo Jewelry Design, offers jewelry made from bullet casings. Pretty cool stuff, actually. One of the items she sold was a t-shirt that said 'Black Rifles Matter." Obviously a play off of the 'Black Lives Matter' movement, but geared towards Second Amendment rights. Now, before you get all hoity toity and decided to not read this because guns suck, rednecks are stupid, white people are the devil, and so on, stick with me for a minute, because this is for you AND the "stupid rednecks" that think they have all the answers.

That evening I found a Facebook post from someone with a sizeable following, whereby he trashed this young lady for condoning violence and racism. Apparently he thought 'Black Rifles Matter' was meant as a call to arms against black people. Fine, he is welcome to his opinion. What followed were hundreds, over 500+ to be exact, of comments from people calling her trash, a racist, she needs to be shot with her own gun, she's a moron, an idiot, a stupid fucking redneck, and so on. As you can imagine, not one mind was changed that day.


Before I get to my point, know that I am not taking a political side. I believe in marriage equality and legal gun ownership. I believe in anti-discrimination laws and fiscal conservatism. Trust me, I've seen the same type of behavior from conservatives towards liberals. Regarding gun control or other hot topics, I've seen conservatives call liberals things such as fucking hippies, tree huggers, ignorant, the reason for whats wrong in our country, they need to be hung, and so forth. Regardless of whatever side you are on, you're all the antipathy of what it means to be an American.

At 44 years old, I have seen our country experience various stages of social complexity. Regardless of what was going on at the time, there were basic rules we followed. You never asked someone who they were voting for, you didn't bother asking what party anyone belonged to (and even if you did, it didn't matter), you didn't judge a person based on their feelings towards a single issue. In other words, we accepted our differences and our feelings towards another person was based on their overall character. If they were an asshole, you wouldn't be friends with them. If they were cool to you, they were your friend. It was easy and we all got along much better than nowadays.

Shit changed somewhere along the line. Nowadays, people want to know your party affiliation before knowing anything else about you to determine if you are worthy of their friendship. Nowadays, people will judge you based solely on how you stand on a single issue. For example, if I am pro second amendment, then I must be a redneck conservative that hates black people and loves war. Or, if I am pro-choice, then surely I am a tree hugging liberal that hates white people and loves entitlements for poor people. That's it, the judgment has been made. No need to delve further. No need to talk to the person. Your mind is made up and off you go promising never to associate yourself with that person again because theyre stupid and you are smart.

In a previous post, found here., I went off on the media and other factors that brought us to this point, so I'll skip that and get straight to my point.

Regarding the gentleman that posted his disgust towards the 'Black Rifles Matter' t-shirt, his comments included words like disgusting, racist, hate-filled, moron, and the like. His followers commented things along the lines of, "she hates black people," "would someone shut her up," "she is whats wrong with this country," and so on.

Hypocrites! If they had taken the opportunity to engage in open dialogue with this business owner, they would find that she is a single mother that worked as an EMT and an EMT instructor that has saved the lives of countless people, regardless of color. And while she no longer works as an EMT, she continues to carry a medical bag in her car in case anyone is in need of emergency healthcare, again, regardless of color. They might also find that she is open minded and eager to discuss her views with anyone, while affording them the proper respect that comes with being a basic human being. In fact, she did try to have a conversation with the guy that blasted her on Facebook, but unfortunately, he blocked her. Best I can surmise is that he wanted to have his opinion and didn't want anyone to come along and tell him otherwise.

We are a country based on the premise that we have free speech. Granted, we can say what we want but we can't escape the consequences. So be it, that's what we signed up for and take advantage of every day; however, when people make these comments, right towards left and left towards right, we are, essentially, trying to deny another person of the very rights in which you are taking advantage, as if to say, "I can practice free speech because I feel a certain way but because you don't feel the same way you shouldn't have those rights."

I've read countless articles where Kim Jung Il, dictator of North Korea, will sentence anyone found to be a dissenter to a lifetime of hard labor. How is that different than the person that tries to silence anyone with an opinion different than their own? How are you being an American by insisting we all share the same beliefs otherwise you are a piece of shit that deserves bad shit happen to them? Are we so caught up in our own beliefs that we ignore the beliefs of others and cast them as infidels at first glance?

You have to wonder the intent behind these comments. By calling someone names, are they trying to change my mind on issues, as if I'm going to read these comments and think, "Sonofabitch, apparently I should believe this particular way because if I don't, then I am a backwards ass piece of shit that is personally responsible for the decline of our country. I don't want to be responsible for the fallout of our country so contrary to what I have always believed I must change my opinion immediately." Seriously? When the fuck has that ever happened?

Normally, this is where I would encourage dialogue between two opposing views. Unfortunately, that isn't likely to happen due to the fact that people don't want their minds to be changed. For some reason, we believe that changing our minds is a sign of weakness and failure. God fucking forbid anyone have a change of heart on any matter. This is why people flock to Fox News or Huffington Post or CNN or MSNBC. They want to be told how they feel is the right way to feel and these news sources do exactly that. This is how they gain viewers. Tell them what they want to hear and they'll keep coming back. More viewers = more revenue. Congrats! Now you're just a pawn. This is why people judge others based on their political views. They want to surround themselves with people that will confirm their views.

I'll tell you, some of my best friends are people that disagree with me on various issues. I know this sounds crazy, but we actually have intelligent dialogue about the issues. I've learned a lot from them and my stance on various issues has softened and/or changed. In some areas, we will simply never agree on; however, we simply agree to disagree and, get this, we move the fuck on!!! We're still friends to this day and will forever be friends! I benefit more from their friendship than I do from anything else, so why fuck that up by being a judgmental prick that insists on everyone agreeing with me. 

People say that we need to practice empathy and understanding. People say we need to be tolerant and accepting. I couldn't agree more! So how about practicing those same behaviors towards everyone! It's easy to be empathetic and tolerant to those that agree with us, so how about challenging yourself and being empathetic and tolerant towards those that DON'T agree with us. There's the real fucking challenge. Are you up for it? I sure as fuck hope so, otherwise, YOU are the what is going to be the downfall of this country. Not the guy that believes in gun control. Not the woman that believes abortion is bad. Not the black guy calling for equality. And not the Mexican that snuck across the border. It will be YOU, the close minded fuckwad that completely disregards any opinion other than your own and attempts to take away the rights of anyone that doesn't agree with you.

If you are unsure of how to be tolerant and empathetic, allow me to give you some basic guidelines:

1. Listen! - If you are unwilling to listen to someone else, how in the hell do you expect them to listen to you?
2. Respect - Show respect to get respect. Seriously, isn't this what we were taught when we were kids?
3. No name calling - If I were to call you a fuckwad, would you be open to my opinions?
4. Ask questions - find out where they are coming from and why they believe the way they do.
5. Agree to disagree - If I told you I can't stand pickles on hamburgers, would you hate me and never talk to me again? No! We disagree and share our fries.*
6. Be open minded - If you are able to see the other side, maybe then you can present your views in a manner that is more understandable to your opposition, and vice versa. You don't have all the answers, otherwise you would be leading this country. Hell, even the leaders of our country don't have all the answers, so what makes you a fucking expert?

Holy shit! As I read these simple guidelines I'm reminded of the rules my daughter was given in Kindergarten. Why they have to be told again is beyond me, but there it is. I can guarantee you will have far less anger and stress in your life if you simply accept that we are all people trying to get through life one day at a time that just happen to disagree on various issues.

If you insist on handling issues they way you have been up until this point, then YOU are what is wrong with this country. Now be a grown up and quit acting like petulant little children. I'm done.

109 Things I Want My Daughter to Know.

Baby Girl,

I want nothing more than to be there for you, to teach you, to learn from you, to hold you when you cry, and lift you when you're flying high. Unfortunately, thats not possible right now. So, for that reason, here are a few things I want you to know, things that I've learned in my life that I think will be of benefit to you.

United Sheeps of America!

I live in a nation of idiots. Well, not all of you, but enough to piss me off on a regular basis.

I woke up this morning, poured a cup of coffee and made my way to the patio to enjoy another beautiful Colorado morning, replete with the backdrop of the Rocky Mountains, a deer making its way through the neighborhood, and the sound of sizzling bacon coming from the neighbors window. My morning routine has become a ritual that allows me to prepare for the day ahead, enjoy the silence, and catch up on the news. 

Fucking news...

When Shit(ting) Gets Real!

Everyone Poops

Everybody Poops! I remember reading this to my little baby girl when she was just a wee little girl to help encourage her to poop in the toilet. The illustrations, while crude, were somewhat graphic, however, my daughter loved it and she eventually learned to poop on the toilet. From that point on I'm sure she, as everyone that has been potty trained, assume that is where our poop will forever be deposited. Unfortunately, God (or Allah, Yahweh, Buddha, whoever) likes to fuck with us from time to time.