Dealing with 7 year olds is tough. Yeah, theyre still children. Adorable little cherubs that have a heart of gold and truly mean no harm. Their innocence still intact, uncorrupted by the shit-show of a world we live in. They bounce and frolic through life seeing the good in people and believing only the greatest things are possible. Heartache is a surprise and confusing to them.
At the same time, they can be little imps that do stupid stuff whereby their curiosity gets the best of them and they, ultimately, learn a hard lesson. Yeah, theyve seen us light candles and stared for hours at that little flame in utter amazement. I imagine its like watching a teeny tiny fireworks show. They are mesmerized. Or maybe they saw a dude jump over 20 cars on his motorbike, so surely they can jump over their Barbie car on their bike with training wheels. A skinned knee, some hurt pride, and a broken Barbie car soon follows.
Unless they do something overtly bad, its hard to get too upset with them. Sure its frustrating, but what can you do?
What happens when they hover somewhere between adorably pure and curiously frustrating? Yeah, I was at a loss too.
I remember fondly this one particular day. I was busy getting shit done around the house (lest my then-wife come home and unleash holy hell on me for not dusting the underside of the banister).
Meanwhile, my daughter was playing. She played in her room, in the yard, in the living room I just picked up, in the TV room whereby she pushed some buttons on the remote and rendered the TV worthless, save for a 'No Connection Detected" permanently emblazoned on the screen. Again, she wasnt doing anything remotely wrong, but her curiosity and boredom was getting to me. I needed a break.
Me: "Baby girl, you need to go to your room."
BG: "BUT I DIDNT DO ANYTHING!!!"
Me: "I understand that, but daddy needs a break."
BG: "This sucks, all I was doing was playing!"
Me: "I know, honey. I love you, you arent doing anything wrong, daddy just needs some silence."
BG: "This sucks!"
"Yes, it does suck," I remember thinking as she stomped upstairs to her room.
I sat down on the couch and opened a beer as I worked to get the TV back to normal. Soon I was watching SportsCenter and enjoying my beer. Serenity was reentering my life. I was calming down and recognizing that my daughter must be confused as fuck. I mean, imagine if you will. She was just chilling, doing normal 7 year old girl shit, enjoying her life, when all of a sudden, her dad, nay, her hero, out of nowhere tells her she needs to go to her room, all because I couldnt handle my emotions and needed to be left alone. Poor girl. A tear started to well up in my eye. I told myself that once I was done with my beer I would go up and apologize to her and make it right. Goddamn I am an asshole!
Soon thereafter, I hear my daughter walk around the corner and softly say, "Daddy, can we talk?"
Shit! Did she beat me to it? Did she take the reins and initiate and truce? Sonofabitch! My daughter is more well adjusted than me!
"Of course, Baby Girl. Whats up?"
"Well, I just wanted to say I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"Well, can I say a bad word?"
Timeout! For the record, I say bad words alot. Blame my Marine Corps career, blame my family, blame whatever, but I cuss a lot. Occasionally I would let my daughter say a bad word. Not to encourage it, but rather, to make sure she uses her curse words correctly. Nothing more annoying than seeing a teenager attempt to curse, only to look like an idiot. For some reason, teenagers like to overemphasize the curse word. Whereas I would say, "Damn, where the fuck are we?" the teenager will say, "Where the FUCK are we," which just seems to be a little too dramatic. I figure she is going to cuss eventually, might as well give her some practice now so she doesnt grow up and be one of those annoying teens just discovering their ability to cuss.
"Go for it!" I respond.
"Well, I just wanted to apologize for treating you like a bitch."
HOLY.FUCKING.HELL!!!
MY DAUGHTER LEGIT JUST CALLED ME A BITCH!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
As the words rolled off her tongue, I couldn't help but choke on my beer. I was stunned. I was shook. I wanted to laugh so fucking bad. It took all I could to keep from laughing, but her sincere little ass was standing there waiting for my forgiveness. All I could do was cover my mouth. Finally, I was able to speak between my fingers and say, "Sweetie, please go back to your room."
"I SAID I WAS SORRY!"
"Yes, sweetie, and I'm appreciative, but please go back to your room for five minutes. I promise I will be right up."
"This sucks!"
Once she was upstairs and I heard the door shut, I laughed so fucking hard! My daughter, my SEVEN YEAR OLD DAUGHTER, just called me out for acting like a little bitch. In hindsight, I remember hoping she had put it a little gentler, but now that I think about it, I needed her to say exactly what she said, because I WAS acting like a little bitch...and she called me out.
Soon after I went up and apologized to her and thanked her for keeping it real. We laughed hysterically at her calling me a bitch. I told her to try and not make a habit of it, but if it was appropriate, she could call me out anytime. We laughed some more and had a great rest of the day. I quit worrying about chores and the ensuing fallout that came when my then-wife came home and, instead, chose to spend time with my kid, doing what she wanted to do, even if it meant being Ken and having Barbie break up with me because I didnt like The Black Eyed Peas.
Goddamn I love that girl.
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