Back in the day, dating involved going out, finding a girl you liked, having the balls to talk to her, spending a good amount of time chatting, asking the waitress for a pen (who may or may not be supportive of uniting two strangers in what could potentially become holy matrimony or at least a quick tryst), getting her number, holding said number sacred in your pocket until you got home, calling her a couple days later, engaging in casual conversation over the phone, asking her out, picking her up, taking her out to dinner, possibly drinks afterwards, driving her back to her place, walking her up to the door, kissing, and hoping she invited you in.
Let me catch my breath...
Nowadays? Shit, nowadays all you have to do is select a few candidates, send a message to all of them, see who responds, text a little, set a date and decide whose house you will be going back to for a little naked fun time. Considering you've probably done this with more than one at a time, its possible you could set a weeks worth of dates in one sitting. Shit, it's easier to get laid than order a pizza online anymore. In other words, there's no skill involved.
Let me put it this way. I have exemplary cursive writing. I pride myself on my cursive writing. What guy do you know has lovely cursive writing? This guy! Now cursive writing is considered obsolete. Schools aren't even teaching it anymore! What the hell is that? The skill I've crafted is now meaningless and unnecessary, much like dating of yore.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not entirely against online dating. I've met some quality women through online dating sites. Some became good friends and some I had long-ish relationships with. One became both a lover and a friend to this day!
Along the way, however, I've had to go on countless dates with some real nut jobs. The meth felon, the 36 year old virgin, the finger pointing motherly type, the farter, and so on. One might ask, "How in the hell do you even agree to go on a date with someone like that?" Good question. The answer is really quite simple.
PEOPLE FUCKING LIE!
Actually, to say they lie isn't entirely accurate. Let's just say they aren't completely genuine. You see, nearly every dating website requires you to fill out a profile whereby you state who you are, what you like, what you're looking for, etc. Some require more but lets stick to these basic things.
The profile is where you get the opportunity to really narrow down your search. For instance, had I said, "No felons convicted of making and selling meth," I could have avoided such an occurence. Or, had I said, "Please no emotionally unavailable women," I could have saved a lot of time. Basically, most profiles are the most generic fucking thing in the world. For instance:
"Hi, I'm Mary. I'm looking for a nice guy with a bad boy edge, good job, stable, great sense of humor, a gentleman, likes to travel, not afraid to have fun. I can get dirty like the guys and be ready for dinner that night. I'm not into drama, no games, no one-night stands, and no married men."
Okay, raise your hand if any of that sounds like something you don't want in a partner.
What? Nobody raising their hands? Huh...that's weird.
No its not! Its not weird because every-fucking-body wants that! Who in their right mind doesn't want that? Whats the alternative?
"Hi, I'm Mary. I'm looking for an asshole that's mean to me, unemployed, still living at home, serious all the time, inconsiderate to others, hates to leave the house, and never smiles. I hate getting dirty and you'll be lucky if I change out of my holy guacamole yoga pants for dinner. I love causing drama, love to fuck with a guys head, have one-night stands ALL THE TIME, and I love being a homewrecker."
Exactly! Every woman posts the exact same shit everyone looks for in any person. How the hell am I supposed to exclude myself from your pool of suitors when you are, ultimately, telling me absolutely nothing about who you are or what you want? Now, let's be honest, if a guy was completely honest, his profile would probably read, "Two tits, a hole, and a heartbeat...please!"
None of that even matters anyway. The ultimate determining factor, lets face it, are the profile pictures. Simply put, is she attractive? More simply put, can I see myself fucking her? Amiright?
Essentially, the picture sets the hook. As men, the profile merely serves to give us an intro. As women, the profile merely serves as a filtering mechanism. But ultimately, what it really comes down to is attraction.
And this is why Tinder got it right. Basically, Tinder said, "Fuck it. Lets remove the profiles and make it purely and solely about looks." If you're attracted to them, swipe right. If you're not attracted to them, swipe left. They will do the same. If you both happen to swipe right, a match is made and you can start chatting. So, basically, if you are notified that you match with someone, it's like being told, "Hey, this person wants to fuck you. Y'all should fuck."
Genius! They took out all the bullshit and made it what online dating really is. Shopping for sex. Tinder has become the Amazon.com of ass. Tinder made it possible to truly browse without the hassle of having to read the ridiculously unnecessary description. Nobody's reading it anyway!
Whereas back in the day you had to make sure you looked stellar before heading out on the town, nowadays, you get to pick how they will view you! Now you have the luxury of going through your 236 selfies and pick the one you like best. Ladies, don't forget to include the picture from the one fucking Tough Mudder you did five years ago. You know, the one that was actually a 5k that you walked. Guys, I hear a picture of you on or in front of a mountain is incredibly original and not seen on every fucking profile ever created. If you're ever on the fence about someone, remember, the pics you see are the best fucking pics they have of themselves. Just saying.
Now then, what bar should we meet so it looks more like a date instead of the meaningless hookup that it really is?
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